THE MINDSET

THE MINDSET

All of a sudden, so many changes are happening at one time.
We have become a frozen witness to the chaotic sequence of events happening & changing, all at one time. And I wonder and feel astonished at the same time, that all that so called accumulated, possessed intellect, the wisdom & the collective experience fail to help in creating sense out of this chaos.

With every passing frame of strange & unpredictable slides of daily living, we see ourselves stepping out of these frames one by one, and find ourselves either moving away or being pushed away and thus getting dis-connected with the real time.
Somehow we seem to be not able to sustain and live in our every changing "New Present".

Questions arise in my mind,

• Did we lose our momentum?
• Do we lack ability to match with the pace of ever changing times?
• Are we not able to adjust, adopt or be comfortable with the new environment?

Doesn't everything seem to be too quick, too sudden, as if being caught off-guard, being caught unaware.?

I believe, the answer lies in understanding & getting into the deeper roots of “THE MINDSET”.

Where most of the common folks are failing and finding themselves being pushed out, is because of the “Mindset” they possess.
Most of the times, it’s easier to adapt to changing situations, changing generations; on physical terms; but quite a task to align with the change in mindset along the line of these changing times.

As a parent, we do always believe that we possess the greatest wisdom and intellect to drive our kids on the path to sure shot success & glory.
And in spite of this belief in ourselves, don’t we often find ourselves at cross-heads with our kids, specially dealing with them in their teens?

It’s not that the children are not matured, or least bothered about the world around them or about their own lives. On the contrary, they are full of aspirations, vision, dreams, fresh thoughts, newer ideas and have novel ways to put their ideas and plans to action.
But, most of the times, none of these manifestations & initiatives from their end, make any sense to us. Isn’t it?
We invariably and quite certainly have our own versions and push-over ideas to counter every words & deeds of theirs.

And here we create conflicts. 

We make matter more complex and complicated between the subjects concerned. And eventually, knowing that the force of current generation is far stronger than that of ours or of our times, we succumb. We retreat. We make an exit.
The only effort which could have created a win-win situation for both the parties, was to put in an effort trying to create an alignment with their flow of energy.

Now, this mindset is not the problem of gap in generations, only.
We face and see this weakness erupting at all levels of our interactions within our society.

Let’s talk about the concept of a normal Indian family. 

We, in India, have always believed in staying together, staying jointly, with all our kith & kins. And that has been going on since years.
Here too, the physical space in the house can be adjusted to, adapted to & compromised with. With mutual love & respect for each other in the home, we somehow manage within these limitations.

But what about the friction which arises due to different opinions, different perceptions, between school of old wisdom and the newly acquired education, due to weakness of external & internal influences, unequal intellect and of course the roots of personal ego which pulls and tightly holds these mis-matched perceptions?
Now these differences give rise to chaos, individual dis-satisfaction and eventually there is a crack in the relationships. And once the things get sour, the damage is ir-repairable.

So did we fail again? 

The only thing again, to have saved this situation to turn hostile could have been the effort to try and align with the mindset of the subjects concerned.
It’s not for only one person to put this effort, but everyone in the family, on an individual basis, could exercise and apply this within their capacities & abilities., and save the situation.

Let’s come out of our homes & talk about meeting newer and newer people every time we decide to move further on our mission in life.
We grow with few of our age-mates in school, in our building, in our locality and make a bond to become childhood friends.
We grow and add few more of the people in our wagon, based on our changing demands & priorities.
Don’t we see the friction here too, in our lives? 

The group of people who we have created, got associated with, made friends with, in different walks of life; somehow, someday, at some phase, at some moment does bring about friction and conflicts.
When younger and relatively uninfluenced & innocent, we had a natural way of aligning to different views, different opinions and thus the “unaware application” of alignment with the mindset.
But now when we move-on in life with different priorities and on the path to reach our goals and targets, anyhow-anyways, we lose this natural instinct.
Our Point of views become self-centric.
The see-saw gets tilted more towards how we would see the things, in fact, how we would like to see the things and make the situation turn in our way as how and what we wish.

Here unlike other losses, the damage is bigger.

The people who had emerged in our life, without any particular reason or mission, got closely bonded, and thus set for life-times; when passes through such conflicts; the situation thus emerges, may force us & throw us towards uncertainty in our respective lives of after-years, when the only joy in life would be to have such people around us with whom we can live through our years, happily and at peace.

Here too, applying wisdom, and putting in little efforts to understand different perceptions and view-points, however un-suitable or un-acceptable to us, could result in the alignment of the group mindset and help you to sail through, as a unit.

Talk about marriage & we have respective spouses taking call to live together in love for the entire life, with mutual respect for each other.
Ironically, the maximum cases of emergence of chaos is in this relationship of life. Why?
Did we ever try to actually reach the roots?

Without any doubt, the families and the people connected must have had tried their best to manage such mishaps and save & restore such situations since years.
But it’s still happening. Isn't it ?
In fact such cases of mutual dis-satisfaction & intolerance towards each other have increased exponentially.
Does that implies, whatever the theories and the equations tried, implemented & executed to prevent such an emergence has failed miserably?
Where are we failing in this?
An interesting point to note would be, that especially in these failures, the scope of reconcilement is minimal, in fact, very rare.

I believe, the problem lies elsewhere. 

This is one of the exceptional cases of application of alignment in the mindset.
What happens here is, that the couple is asked to or expected to get committed to each other, before actually they could work to work-out on such an association as a unit.
When a life time commitment is given or where a couple gets bound in such commitment for life, all the remaining aspirations and dreams of one partner, which are yet unfinished, are expected to be “obviously” supported and fulfilled by the other partner, the partner for life.
We all know that expectations lead to miseries. But the “obvious” attached to the expectations is more dangerous.
One tends to ask more and more , expect more and more, may be exceeding the other’s capacity to deliver or understand or manage.
Such an imbalance, at regular intervals, leads to a painful separation, never to be re-joined.

Moreover, as we all know that in this case, when one ties the knots and when the knot is released, both the times, the commitment taken under law (religious & constitutional), is irreversible.
We may can consider that in the earlier years, one of the genders, usually males, used to dominate, control and the better half used to and was supposed to exist under subordination. And so the power centre being one sided, conflicts were avoided or may be never dared to be raised as an issue.
Now when we are in the world and times of gender equality, the power rests in both the hands. And the individual desires and aspirations have ever since rose multi folds because of innumerable opportunities & choices.
And thus, still pulling along on the same line, with the same expected arrangement & expectations & much more, may not hold good for longer period of time.
One of the two would surely succumb to these external & internal pressures and give away.

So, let's contemplate what must be done to improve and avoid recurring of such situations?

Here, when a couple decides to spend their lives together, they need to have enough time and must try to create and adjust and align to each other’s mindset relating to the remaining life, which is to be lived together.
They mutually need to know, understand & be very well aware of the role one needs to enact pertaining to well defined responsibilities vis-a-vis role of the support system which is demanded & expected from the other.
We do understand that when it's the merging of two completely different human beings and as well as the families, few things are to be taken as granted and accepted by default.
But an effort to enhance the clarity is a must.
May be, in this case, if the mindset is set before the actual tie up, then the chances of falling apart of this institution can reduce a bit.

Thus, from the time we are ready to think about & understand the lives around us, we constantly need to work on this alignment of the mindset.
Not only it saves the meaning of people & situation in and around our lives, but helps us to unwind hidden potential within us to achieve higher and higher quality of life.
Once the concept is understood in its real sense, and the same is applied and exercised from time to time, the negativity, limitations and resistance in life is diffused.
And it paves way for a clear picture, a clear path which takes you only one way, and that’s FORWARD.

By - Sanjay Jogani
Mumbai. India.
sanjay-jogani.blogspot.com

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